This post is for you if you…
- feel everyone is successful except for you
- need reminding that it is okay to feel low
- want to know why you compare and how to stop
The Purpose of My Post
I don’t think I have to tell you that comparison is a disease. All you have to do is think about how you feel when you spend any amount of time looking at the “amazing” and “enviable” lives others have. I am willing to bet that it doesn’t take long for you to feel less than and start beating yourself up for being useless.
I know it takes about no time at all for me, which is the reason for this post.
If I do nothing else today, I want to remind at least one of you reading this how special you are and why comparing yourself to others is a heartbreaking endeavor. Also, I want you to know that you aren’t alone in your frustration of feeling as if you don’t measure up as you work toward creating a meaningful and fulfilling life for yourself.
Comparison: The Thief of All Joy
Yesterday, I was going to give up.
Growing increasingly frustrated with feeling like I was getting nowhere fast, I retreated to my couch and started the pity party.
As usually happens when I feel sorry for myself, I go down a rabbit hole thinking thoughts like:
- I am never going to get anywhere.
- What did I do in my prior life that caused everything to be so hard?
- If we do reincarnate, why would anyone want to do this again?
- Why couldn’t I have found myself someone who is loaded so I never have to do anything again? (Yes, I know. I am just being honest about the depths I will go when upset).
So, you ask, what prompted you to get to this point?
A Note on Emotions…Then I’ll Come Back to Comparison (I Promise)
Trying to build your dream life is hard. It requires complete honesty in the face of countless limiting beliefs and shadows you work so hard to ignore.
Hard, but not impossible.
Before I move on, I want to tell you something I was reminded of yesterday that I know to be true but often forget: it’s okay to feel low.
We are all human and stumble through life one mistake at a time. This is how we grow. If you are anything like me, you may forget this.
I have a longstanding idea that allowing myself to feel anything less than positive about my situation is detrimental. Over the years, I have programmed myself to equate feeling sorry for myself to weakness. Of course, you don’t want to wallow in unhappy emotions forever but you must feel them if you want to move them out of your body.
Unfelt Emotions = Stuck Energy
Stuck Energy = Heavy Baggage
Heavy Baggage = Obstacles on Your Path
Listen, navigating life and staying on our own path to purpose is hard enough as it is without adding extra weight to it. If you want to continue moving forward, you must allow yourself to feel ALL emotions that come up for you, not just the “acceptable ones”.
I believe now is a good time to remind you that emotions are not good or bad. Emotions are simply energy. They come in waves and no matter how hard you try and suppress the ones you don’t want to feel, you can’t escape them.
Think of it like this: imagine floating on your back in the ocean. You are calm, enjoying the sunshine on your face. Suddenly a swell comes. You have two options:
A – keep relaxing and allow yourself to be lifted up on the crest of the wave and gently come down the other side
B– tense up and resist the wave, causing yourself to be pulled under
Which option do you pick?
I say all of this to remind you that as you work towards building a purpose aligned life, you will face emotions that are not going to be fun. It’s up to you whether you add on to the difficulty of your situation or simply allow them to be and move on.
Now Back to Comparison…and How You Catch Comparisonitis
Going back to my pity party on the couch, I realized after the fact that I was in the middle of a lot of emotions that are perfectly normal when you are upending your life in the pursuit of building a more fulfilling one.
As I mentioned before, it is necessary to challenge the limiting beliefs you hold onto that keep you stuck and prevent you from moving forward. For me, feeling sorry for myself over the challenges I face brought up two prominent beliefs that keep resurfacing:
#1 I am not good enough
#2 I am weak
My “I am not good enough” belief stemmed directly from scrolling on Instagram and reading email newsletters. This is when I caught Comparisonitis.
As we are wont to do, it is human nature to view the thousands more likes and engagement and amazing life others who have what you want on social media as a failure on your part. However, you also know if you have been breathing in the last decade that social media is fodder for depression and anxiety. Why is this? Comparison.
Because I started comparing my journey with the journey of others, I fell into an emotional turmoil which, in turn, prompted my second belief that “I am weak” because I feel sorry for myself. This is a vicious cycle that will continue to repeat itself unless I make an effort to break it.
Is there a Medication for That?
Like anything good that comes in life, there is no magic pill you can pop and it will just go away. You must work hard to break old patterns and release yourself from conformity that keeps you in your comfortable (but miserable) cage.
When you compare yourself and where you are in your journey to others, it does nothing but create inner turmoil and stifle the inner creativity that innately yours. You are born unique, with quirks that are endearing if you allow them to see the light of day. But if you insist on measuring yourself on an impossible scale, you will remain unhappy and forever unfulfilled.
The Holistic Way to Overcome Comparison
Okay, now let’s talk about honesty and action. Are you ready to get real?
Below are 4 reasons why you feel the need to compare yourself to others and what you can do about it. If you haven’t already, I highly encourage you to sign up to receive access to my Free Resource Library where you will find workbooks to help you move through your limiting beliefs and shadows so you can remember who you are and why you never need to compare yourself to anyone.
#1 You are looking for outside validation.
𝐃𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝: It’s time to step up your self-love game. The next time you feel the need to look outside of yourself to define your worth, find one thing about you that you love. Even if it’s your penchant for all things cats.
#2 You are trying to keep up with the Joneses.
𝐃𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝: Dig deep and get honest with yourself about why you feel the need to do this. It always leads back to a limiting belief you formed at an early age. Is this belief even yours or did you adopt it from someone else?
#3 You feel uncertain about your abilities.
𝐃𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝: AKA Imposter Syndrome. You have a passion for something but think there are a million other people who do it better than you, so why bother. Remember you have a unique way of doing things just by being authentic. People like that. They want that. Be a breath of fresh air for someone else.
#4 You are looking to others to define yourself.
𝐃𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝: Death to conformity! The more you allow others to dictate who you are, the unhappier you become. Take some time to get to know the real you underneath the layers of unrealistic expectations. Shadow work is great for this.
- How to Overcome Your Introverted Limiting Beliefs
- Why You Need to Do Shadow Work to Manifest Your Dream
Final Thoughts on Comparison
You are you for a reason. When you compare yourself to others who are nothing like you and have a different purpose for being here in this lifetime, you take 20 steps back.
Even if you think you want the same thing as someone you see on social media or in your life, the lessons you are here to learn are as different as your shoe size. Your purpose is to be yourself without apology or excuse. Their purpose is to be themself without apology or excuse. Believe it or not, none of us are the same. That means we all have a unique purpose in life.
Your task is to get out of your own way so you can finally live yours.
I believe in you.
Proud introvert, intuitive entrepreneur, and spiritual activist. On a mission to embolden my fellow introverts to quietly change the world.